The Unmuted Truth #10: The Weight We Carry: Letting Go of Obligation & Expectation

For Everyone Who Was Taught To Whisper

By Nina, Transformational Mindset Coach

If you missed the beginning of this series, you can read The Unmuted Truth #1 here

Shedding the weight of what was never hers to carry, she steps into the light of her own truth. Obligation falls. Expectation fades. Freedom begins.

There are two weights I see again and again in the hearts of my clients.

Two invisible burdens that tighten the chest, silence the soul,

and leave us aching with the sense that something isn’t ours—but we carry it anyway.

Obligation.

Expectation.

And I want to talk about both.

The Chains of Obligation

My dad used to say to me –

“Never should someone else and never should yourself.”

It took me years to understand what he meant by that.

For a long time, I lived by shoulds.

🤦‍♀️I should say yes.

🤦‍♀️I should show up.

🤦‍♀️I should be grateful, even when it hurts.

🤦‍♀️I should keep the peace, stay quiet, smile through it.

Should is sneaky.

It wears the mask of responsibility, of maturity, even of kindness.

But at its core, should often stems from fear—

Fear of being seen as selfish.

Fear of letting others down.

Fear of no longer being needed.

Obligation can feel noble.

It sounds like love, like loyalty, like being the dependable one.

But over time, it becomes a quiet thief—Stealing time, joy, presence, and choice.

When you’re stuck in obligation, saying “no” feels dangerous.

You override your truth to maintain connection.

You bend until you break—because that’s what “good” people do.

But the truth is:

You don’t owe your life to anyone else’s comfort.

Love that requires self-abandonment is not love—it’s a transaction dressed up in guilt.

And if you are someone who grew up needing to keep others calm, or keep the peace to stay safe—this might feel terrifying.

But your “yes” means nothing if you can’t freely say “no.”

I see this all the time in my client where they are pulled one way –

Toward their Authentic Self

Then pulled the other way –

Back to Obligation

Obligation rarely shouts. It settles in quietly—tightening around the shoulders, silencing the truth, and asking us to carry what was never ours.

The Invisible Scripts of Expectation

If obligation is the weight we pick up out of duty,

expectation is the role we’re handed without ever agreeing to play it.

Sometimes it’s subtle, like:

• You’re the strong one. You’ll cope.

• You always make it work.

• You don’t need help like others do.

• 
  

And other times, it’s loud:

• Why aren’t you married yet?

• You should be further along by now.

• Don’t disappoint me.

• 
  

Expectations often arrive early - etched into us by parents, teachers, culture, religion.

We learn what’s acceptable. What’s admirable.

And slowly, we begin to contort ourselves to fit.

Even as adults, we carry these invisible scripts:

Be nice. Be easy to love. Be productive. Be small.

But here’s the truth:

Expectation creates performance, not presence.

We start showing up as the version of ourselves we think the world wants,

not the one who’s real, raw, and whole.

And it’s exhausting.

Living under expectation can feel like standing on a stage you never auditioned for,

reciting lines you didn’t write,

terrified of forgetting your cue.

But what if you walked off that stage?

What if you tore up the script?

What if you let who you are lead the way, instead of who you think you’re supposed to be?

Letting go of expectation doesn’t mean disappointing others.

It means finally choosing not to disappoint yourself.

She stood in the spotlight, holding a script she never wrote. As the pages crumbled, truth took flight—one expectation at a time.

What These Weights Do to the Body

Before we go any further, I want to invite you into a moment of stillness.

Take a breath.

Place a hand on your heart or your belly.

And softly speak these two words aloud:

Obligation.

Expectation.

Now pause.

Where do you feel them in your body?

What sensations rise up when you say those words?

For many of my clients, Obligation lands like a stone in the chest.

Tight. Pressing. Constricting.

Expectation often buzzes in the shoulders or temples—

A pressure, a weight, a tension that feels hard to shake.

These words carry energy.

And that energy settles in the nervous system.

We carry it in our posture, our breath, our gut, our voice.

🥺The jaw clenches with unspoken resentment.

🥺The breath shortens when we override our boundaries.

🥺The stomach knots when we say yes, knowing we mean no.

🥺The spine hunches under the pressure to meet a standard that isn’t ours.

And over time, we lose the subtle signals of our own body—The gentle nudge of intuition.

The gut feeling that something’s off. The quiet knowing that says,

This is not for me.

Obligation and expectation don’t just pull us away from our truth.

They disconnect us from our body—

which is the most sacred compass we have.

The body is not a burden—it is a messenger. When we finally listen, it shows us what we've been carrying… and how to begin letting go.

The Truth Beneath the Weight

Letting go of obligation and expectation isn’t about becoming selfish.

It’s about becoming sovereign.

When we move from obligation, we are not choosing—we are complying.

And every time we do that, we weaken our boundaries.

We silence that whisper inside that says, “This doesn’t feel right.”

And when we live under the shadow of expectation—especially our own—we start to believe that we’re never enough.

No matter how much we give.

No matter how much we do.

No matter how much we perfect.

We never reach the finish line—because it was never ours to begin with.

Expectation breeds resentment.

Obligation feeds burnout.

And both leave us disconnected from our power, our pleasure, our peace.

But there’s another way.

You are allowed to choose freely.

You are allowed to disappoint others rather than abandon yourself.

You are allowed to rewrite the script—one breath, one boundary, one brave “no” at a time.

There comes a moment when the truth rises—not with noise, but with clarity. And in that breath, we let go… not because we’re weak, but because we’re finally ready to be free.

Embodied Release Practice: Letting It Go, Gently

Find a quiet space.

You don’t need long.

Just a few moments of presence with yourself.

Sit or stand comfortably.

Let your spine soften, your shoulders drop, and your breath deepen.

Drop In

Like we did a little earlier – let’s connect with these words

However now let’s release their hold

Place one hand on your heart. The other on your belly.

Take three slow, steady breaths.

In through your nose.

Out through your mouth.

Feel your body settle. Feel your breath arrive.

Name It

Now gently say—either out loud or in your mind:

“Obligation.”

Pause.

Notice where that word lands in your body.

Does it feel heavy? Tight? Constricting?

Now say:

“Expectation.”

Pause again.

Where do you feel it? What does your body want you to know?

No need to change it.

Just notice. Witness. Be with it.

Release It

Take another breath. This time, as you exhale, imagine letting the weight slide off your shoulders…

Off your chest…

Out of your jaw…

Down your spine.

If it feels right, whisper:

“I release what is not mine to carry.”

“I return to myself.”

Reclaim Your Truth

Place both hands on your heart now.

Ask gently:

“What do I choose—when I choose from me?”

“What does my body need in this moment?”

Let the answer be enough. Let it be sacred.

Close with Kindness

Take one last breath.

As you exhale, soften into the knowing that you don’t have to carry what was never yours.

You are allowed to live from choice, not from chains.

She became the still point in her own storm—breathing in her truth, and breathing out all that was never hers. This was her becoming.

Gentle Reflection

Find a journal, a quiet space, or simply a moment to sit with these questions:

✍️ Where in my life am I acting from obligation instead of true desire?

✍️ Whose expectations am I trying to meet—and why?

✍️ What does it feel like in my body when I choose from alignment rather than guilt?

✍️ What boundaries need strengthening so I can choose more freely?

✍️ What would it mean to honour my voice, my rhythm, my truth?

You don’t need all the answers today.

Just begin the conversation.

Let your awareness soften into compassion.

You’re doing the work—and that matters.

When we pause and meet ourselves on the page, truth begins to rise—softly, bravely, without apology.

💜 From My Heart To Yours

This is not about cutting ties or building walls.

It’s about laying down the weight of what was never yours to carry.

It’s about choosing yourself—not from spite, but from soul.

Letting go of obligation doesn’t make you unkind.

Letting go of expectation doesn’t make you a failure.

It makes you free.

And freedom is where your truth lives.

Where your voice softens into power.

Where your boundaries become the bridge, not the barrier.

From my heart to yours—

May you return to yourself,

again and again,

light enough to rise.

If you're on your own journey to find your voice, I invite you to stay connected:

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With love,

Nina 💜🌹

When you release obligation and expectation, you don’t lose love—

You find your way back to the kind that doesn’t require you to disappear.

She didn’t need to speak. Her heart said it all—truth released with tenderness, love carried on wings, and the silent promise… you are never alone.